We all have places we don’t want to look at. The subterranean hideouts of failure and shame.  Our students have these places too, and they often prevent a willingness to be vulnerable in the face of new learning. All learning involves risk, whether it is the fear of being wrong, sharing personal experiences, or simply admitting you need help. This is especially acute in vulnerable populations.

Pema Chodron

Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior.
-Brené Brown 

Working with at risk youth often involves trying to unravel a long history of “failure” at school. Chronically absent students typically have gaps in their schooling which are as random as their attendance. They often carry deep-rooted shame around their perceived learning delays, which can manifest as school avoidance and negative self talk. Referring to themselves as “stupid” or giving up at the slightest set back are often-seen behaviours in at risk programs. It’s heartbreaking to watch a student with unbelievable potential give up and allow themselves to fail. There is a connection between resiliency and shame.

The Mystery of Resilience

In the movies, the “troubled” main character perseveres through endless hardships and becomes

[heavy weight champ, a lawyer, a famous rapper, etc. ]. If only life would imitate art. More often, children who experience repeated failure start to withdraw from vulnerable situations. At some point, avoidance grows to encompass anything which is even mildly difficult. To some, it presents as “lazy”. However, the same student who will stop learning math when it gets challenging, will stay up half the night to move to another level in their favourite video game. It’s not about effort it’s about payoff.

When there is no connection between their learning and the FEELING of being successful, no amount of conversations or contracts will get a 14 year old to do their assignments or go to school. Behavioral theory shows that how someone feels about themselves during an activity quickly becomes associated with that activity. In at risk populations, there is the lead barrier of shame preventing their emotional connection to being a successful learner.

Vulnerability-avoidance is a survival tool for students from at risk backgrounds that is intimately tied to shame. It manifests as often baffling and self-sabotaging learning behaviours such as covering up reading delays, leaving assignments partially completed, refusing extra help, and ignoring successful grades. Vulnerability-avoidance most critically appears when students encounter the unknown in the learning process, the sometimes messy space between “I don’t know” and “here is the answer”. The ability, as Pema Chodron put it, for students to “relax into uncertainty” and trust that they will eventually find a way to understand.

brenequote

The Way Through

So how do we combat shame-association that has already occurred for our at risk students? The work that Brene Brown and other researchers have done offers multiple ways to get at this:

  • Avoid shaming as a classroom management approach
  • Explore multiple ways of demonstrating learning
  • Ask students to share their stories
  • Listen to them
  • Separate “compliance” from achievement
  • Consider online learning when building-dependent lesson delivery isn’t working
  • Model vulnerability, integrity and humility for our students

The ultimate goal for at risk learners is for them to “walk in their story” again. To reconnect with their natural curiosity and delight, before they stepped outside the circle of learning. It is our challenge as educators to create safe, innovative environments for them, where trust and vulnerability can guide them once again inside.

[photos from 123rf and the knotty bride]